Detecting The Unspoken, Empathy, EQ

I just delivered a prepared speech to my fellow Toastmasters this morning. 

This speech was unusual in the sense that it was the first time I have covered EQ, which was my favorite topic before I retired, in a prepared speech at Toastmasters.

In addition, it was special also because about a third of my speech was associated with funerals, a taboo area most speakers would have avoided. However, I felt like composing my speech in this fashion to showcase my personal transformation after experiencing many funerals in the past decade—including that of my own parents.

Here is the script for my speech.

_________________________________________

Detecting The Unspoken 

Do you like going to a party? How about a funeral?

Good morning!

The question I just asked may sound like a no-brainer, or, an easy question, because the answer is so obvious: while not all people love partying, few people enjoy the vibe of sadness and mourning at a funeral. 

Well, like most people, I preferred a party over a funeral when I was young. Then - I can’t recall exactly when – I found myself more interested in a funeral than in any parties, big or small!

In retrospect, there are two major reasons behind the shift of my interest. The first is people do not wear a mask at a funeral, while at a party, people wear a mask most - if not all - of the time. I don’t like wearing a mask now, having worn one constantly throughout my career. 

Second, at a funeral, people talk little, yet they observe and listen actively, so they understand each other well. In other words, people demonstrate high EQ at a funeral, so they can understand each other even without saying anything. 

Well, this is where my speech title comes into play: Detecting The Unspoken!

Detecting the unspoken words of other people is the function of emotional intelligence,  or, emotional quotient, or EQ in abbreviation. Humans are social and emotional beings, so EQ is crucial for our success as an individual in the society, or as a leader in any organization.

In my case, I was self-centered and had poor EQ to begin with. I didn’t interfere with other people’s business, but I didn’t care what people thought about me, either. Therefore, I experienced setbacks in my people networking at the beginning.

However, I quickly learned my lessons and adapted to the real world by cultivating my empathy, one of the core dimensions of EQ. With my EQ improved over time, I also made satisfactory progress in both my career development and my personal life.

In particular, I benefited from it profoundly in my role as a manager. Equipped with good EQ, I was able to lead several outstanding work groups, each with more than 100 employees, throughout my career. 

In this connection, let me share with you some excellent EQ that is demonstrated in different professions, and that always inspires me.

The first is with the host of the funeral service, or, what they call a funeral celebrant 喪禮司儀 – and, yes, it’s related to funerals again! Without being told what to say, the funeral celebrant empathizes with the family of the deceased, and speaks on behalf of different members of the family those words that are tailored to their different relationships with the deceased. And, in most cases, these words by the funeral celebrant are more heartfelt and expressive than those otherwise spoken by the family members themselves. So, in my view, a funeral celebrant is an excellent toastmaster, too.

The second excellent EQ demonstration is by the employees of  company I retired from, a global logistics giant. We all join the company to deliver what we call the “Purple Promise”, under which our customer will have absolutely positive experience with our services. As such, our employees all strive to meet and exceed the needs of our customers, - both spoken and unspoken - day in, day out. Needless to say, to deliver this Purple Promise they are all equipped with good EQ, as you can see from our fellows here at Sandwich  Bella and Candy.

In fact, personally I think EQ is far more important than IQ. And, unlike IQ, EQ is something that can be learned. 

So, if you’re interested in cultivating your EQ, I suggest you begin by looking into the four dimensions of EQ. The first is Self-awareness, which means to be aware of your own emotions and their impact to you and other people; the second is Self-management, which means to manage and regulate your own emotions; the third is Social awareness, which means to use empathy for other people; the fourth is Relationship management, which means to develop and manage relationships with people; to inspire and influence people.

To conclude, I just shared with you my personal story and thoughts about EQ, or emotional intelligence, with that I was able to detect unspoken words of other people, to have a rewarding career, and to live a fulfilling life. If you are interested in cultivating your EQ, you can begin by looking into its four dimensions: Self-awareness, Self-management, Social awareness., and Relationship management. 

Toastmaster of the Day!